.cate

I mean, I can have a great chat with someone once in a while, but I like to keep to myself. I’m not anti-social, I just prefer to observe rather than just intrude in others. Is that ok?

I mean my friends, the ones I hang out with the most, are… really talkative. They can talk about what they ate for the dinner for like 20 minutes straight. But I can’t… I don’t see the point.

Ugh. This just turned out to be a crappy post. Sorry. I’m trying to do three things at the same time and I can’t focus.

.cate

Today it’s Mother’s Day and it’s sunny and hot outside.
I realised just today that almost half of this here has gone by…
Time really goes by quickly.

Anyway just wanted to post this photo I took on Friday… I like the color in the middle of all the green.

.cate

For some weird reason this makes me really insightful and start thinking about stuff… Specially that part when Bella and Edward are driving out of Forks because of James, and then she sees her friends, her very “normal” friends, who are having fun in what probably is just one more Friday night out. I just start to think… If I was Bella, and the choice was to be having fun with your regular friends, or being in love with a vampire and running away from other vampires who want to kill you.

Well, there isn’t much to think about, specially when you consider to be in love with Edward freaking Cullen, and the majority of girls would choose to be with Ed. But at that specific moment – what would you prefer?

I really have a hard time with this. Because I do love the drama and the complications of such relationships, but normal-ness would be nice as well, I guess?! Maybe not. The thing is: you would never imagine B and E just “hanging out”. Their relationship is so deep it almost hurts, it’s so complex… I always dreamt of having such a relationship with someone. Like Renee described it, that Bella moved around Ed like it was gravity pulling her, that he looked at her like he would do anything to protect her. I guess that’s the whole point of the series (wake up Cate!) but is it right for Miss Stephanie Meyer dragging us to believe such love exists? ‘Cause I’ve been waiting for it my whole life, and I don’t think it’ll ever show up.

Sorry for the longer post. I was really feeling the need for the rambling.

Laundry

Originally uploaded by shiningmer

I vlogged yesterday, though I’m still grounded (had to use a public computer :/)
Lots of laundry uh? Better get back to that…
I got a FLICKR!!!

Check me out…

cate.

I just… I don’t know. I had never thought to be part of a collaboration channel, I didn’t even know there were such auditions, but now that I do, and that I started imagining what it would be like if I got the place, I really want to.

If you read my blog and would like to be part of a collab channel on YT, twilight or not twilight, please comment. If you want to know more about me: www.youtube.com/user/shiningmer

I know this is a short post, but I really can’t stop thinking about this and I don’t have the time to do better…

I wrote another paragraph of my fanfiction “As If We Were Dreaming” yesterday, however I don’t know when I’ll have a first chapter completed, due to the end of the year, with finals and exams and grades and objectives to be accomplished, it’s really hard to think and get the inspiration to write.

Listenning to:

• When life offers you a dream so far beyond any of your expectations, it’s not reasonable to grieve when it comes to an end. — Bella Swan, Twilight | Preface
• So eager for eternal damnation. — Edward Cullen, New Moon | Chapter 24
• Well, I’m so sorry that I can’t be the right kind of monster for you, Bella. I guess I’m just not as great as a bloodsucker, am I? — Jacob Black, New Moon | Chapter 13
• Porsches as bribes and king-sized beds in houses where nobody slept — it was beyond irritating. — Bella Swan, Eclipse, Chapter 6
• If I had my way, I would spend the majority of my time kissing Edward. — Bella Swan, Eclipse | Chapter 2
• I could see it in your eyes, that you honestly believed that I didn’t want you anymore. The most absurd, ridiculous concept—as if there were any way that I could exist without needing you! — Edward Cullen, New Moon | Chapter 23
• I know you’re frustrated that he’s keeping you locked up like this, but don’t give him too bad a time when he gets back. He loves you more than you know. It terrifies him to be away from you. — Rosalie Hale, Eclipse | Chapter 7

What makes us so unique, so motivated to certain things, so filled with emotions about random things we see, hear, touch,… so different yet so equal to each other? You may think that I’m over-thinking this, driving this to an extreme point, but then again, isn’t that one of the things that distinguishes me from the next girl?

I’m starting yo understand my friends better, and like in a novel the story lines start to get thicker, deeper, harder to figure out from the outside but understoodable and predictable from the inside.

Me, on the other side, feel like I’ve hit the bottom and took the chance to define priorities. Some of my friends, I think, have been close to or even deeper in that “bottom”, but I’m not quite sure if they are going to do anything about it. And for the first time I don’t know what to do to help them either.

I don’t even know why Im saying this, I just am. Sometimes I just feel like I couldn’t be more different from this friends of mine, and others I couldn’t imagine anyone I’d fit in better with.

Are there any rules on how to live? I find myself asking that question one too many times.

cate.

Good news! I hate saying this because I might just kill the whole thing afterwards if I get bored but.. I’m writing a Twilight fan fiction. My first one in Twilight. I’ve not written any kind of FF since 2006/2007 so I’m really excited about it. Nevertheless, don’t get your hopes up because I might just slip into my “new” self that I guess now is my “old” self and won’t finish it. I hope I’ll be able to do it…

Here’s the first paragraph that I’ve just written:

I stared at the blank page thoughtfully. Is this right? Should I really do this? I picked up the cheap ballpoint I carried with me all the time, putting all my faith in it to help me write. Words still wouldn’t flow, so I started flipping the pen in my fingers. I gave up. I threw the pen in the table carelessly and stepped outside, my arms already clutching my stomach, not so much because of the piercing cold common in Boston’s January, but more because of the pain that was awaking deep down inside of me.

Cate.

I hang in that illusion until I start shivering whit the cold or fall back. It really is as if I left my body for that moment and go somewhere else. As if my body was dead, but my mind still wandered around in the world.

I really can’t explain it properly yet it’s a great feeling.